I am sitting with a cup of my morning Earl Grey tea and added a new journal to the rotation. It's called "Life is Short. Buy the Shoes". It was given to me years ago by a lovely friend. It exactly fits where I am in life right now. I love those moments when I find something that exactly fits.
I have big goals for today that include just being. I plan to not stay in my bed and watch Netflix all day (that's tomorrow's goal). I am on my couch, and I have been journaling and writing. I've already done some yoga, and I will definitely attack Netflix later with a vengeance I am going to try out a new recipe in my Instant Pot for an enchilada casserole. I have to venture out for some cat litter. My stack of books and water is at the ready.
My default is to stay in bed and watch TV and end up sleeping a huge chunk of the day away. Most days, this is not even because I am depressed, but because I really like it. The cats and I will curl up, I will have edibles, and the day is glorious. I don't think there is anything at all wrong with this. I do think, however, it is important to occasionally switch it up which is why I am taking the day to shift my scenery.
I like the routine I have developed during the pandemic. Mondays and Tuesdays are my movie night with my platonic life partner. Wednesdays are trashy soap opera FaceTime nights with two of my other platonic life partners. Thursdays are movie night or traveling down south to spend time with the rest of "my bubble". I really look forward to the nights of cocktails and pizza and discussing religion and/or politics until even I am surprised I have stayed up that late Fridays are open. Saturdays are stay in bed days. Sundays are productive days: Cooking, cleaning, putting shit together around the house, socializing, and more FaceTime with the boys. This routine is so solid, and I look forward to all of these days.
I have never really been a girl with a routine for anything other than school and work and shows. My personal life has always been fly by the seat of my pants. I like that spontaneity, but I also realize a lot of this was because I wasn't confident enough to find a routine I liked and stick with it. I was waiting for that perfect thing that would come along every day that would fill me up. I still find myself doing that a lot of days, but less days are like this. Sometimes, less is okay.
When I started working from home in 2008, I was living in my parent's house by myself. I first started toying with this idea of a routine. I would get up and have my morning tea and read and journal and work my through TV shows that I loved. When I stopped working from home at that time, I very easily went back to flying by the seat of my pants. I have spent a lot of my life floundering or rushing from place to place rather than taking the time to really enjoy the moment.
I am going on 4 years now of working from home again, and the pandemic has really brought those routines back. The morning routine is usually some variation of the same: I get up, great my hungry cats with some sarcastic comment, pee, feed the hungry cats, do yoga, heat up water for tea or coffee, make breakfast (or order Door Dash which even I will admit has gotten to be a bad habit), fill up my water bottle, turn on all the mood lights, sometimes fill up the diffuser, take my medicine, and settle in for work. Some days, it changes a little where I may not do yoga, or I may shower. It's having the things I know I do in the mornings that bring comfort and joy to me and brings me much less anxiety.
I am really trying to work on an evening ritual. This a real struggle because when the day is winding down, I want to collapse in my cozy bed. I am trying to add reading here and yoga and some journaling It's hard, but I am officially working in it.
Notice even though I have a lot of things plotted out, there's also a lot of room for flexibility in my schedule. I can still fly by the seat of my pants if I desire. It's trying to figure out how all these things fit together, like pieces of a big puzzle, that I find brings the most stability to my life and really gives me the opportunities to delve in and establish a solid personal relationship with myself.
I have spent a lot of years trying to have those personal relationships with god or with other people. I still think human connections are vital. I am pretty fortunate to have a lot of fun and quirky and caring people on this journey with me. The relationship with god not so much. All that energy I have spent trying to connect with other things I am now spending in connecting with myself. It's fabulous, and I found I really, really enjoy myself. The world has opened way up. The more I learn about myself, the more I realize I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to do. Example: A few weekends ago, I wanted to put a bookshelf together. I have never, ever seen this as a strength so I have avoided buying anything I have to assemble or I convince someone else to do it for me. I made up my mind I was gonna do this one myself. And I did. I still need to put the little plastic things on to cover the screws so it looks nice and pretty, but it's up and functional, and I did it BY MYSELF. It was liberating.
I have found I can have all the things: I can have my routine, I can have my work, I can have my friends, I can have my cats, I can have my TV shows and be really happy and content. It's all a balancing act every day, I am always working at finding that balance. Like working out a big puzzle. I pat myself on the back when I find that big piece that has been staring at me all along.
I don't have it all figured out yet, but figuring it out is part of the fun.
